I’m literally full of life. Everywhere I’m surrounded by love and it’s overwhelming at times, sometimes I wonder if it’s real. You know how when things are so magical that they can’t be really truly real? Sometimes I get scared that something will happen, sooner or later, that will come to destroy this ethereal feeling, that will take away this happiness. I try not to dwell too much on this but when things are so perfect in your world and it hasn’t always been perfect you just sorta expect it to one day disappear so that you’re not forever jilted. So that you can adjust when you fall back down to reality, when gravity kicks in.
But the truth is I’m flying. I may not be exactly where I want to be with my career, finances or with my status but the things that truly matter, are exactly where I need them to be. This is what the year 2014 taught me:
1. Learning how to focus on a few individuals and invest all my energy into those rather than wasting myself thin trying to worry about everyone I was connected with whatsoever has changed my attitude. I am much happier when those closest to me are completely satisfied with my relationship with them. I’ve done away with the relationships I held onto for too long, and those that serve no greater purpose in my life. I thank my son for showing me the true meaning of how to invest my very small amount of energy when it comes to others.
2. Dreaming awake is far better than sleeping while you should be living. Granted there are limitations, but those are boundaries we place on ourselves. I only have this life and I should attempt to do whatever suits my desires so that I don’t wake up tomorrow wondering “what if?” Life is meant to be lived so keep calm and get on that plane, or see that show, or eat that dessert, and so on. I did things this year I would’ve never fathomed I was capable of doing IN ONE YEAR. I tried out for the Eagles Cheerleaders, went to Vegas (twice!), took a cruise to Bermuda with my son & family, finished my thesis and graduated with my Masters, published a chapter (soon to be released) and met and interacted with astounding people I would’ve only dreamed of being around. I could’ve never done this had i allowed my limitations to keep me from fulfilling a deeper purpose, one that pulls at my heartstrings, which is doing whatever I feel I am capable of. So aim high, because if you miss you’ll land among the stars.
3. You can only live well if you have wellness in your body, mind and soul. I made a vow after my son was born to maintain my health so that I could live my life to the fullest. I knew that if I was worried about having diseases or being ill that life would slip away from me, and that time would be unkind. I see so many people near and dear to me who suffer from illnesses and I just worry and keep them in my thoughts. I didn’t want to be one more person that people had to worry about and all my life I would get sick or injured and hated the feeling and wanted to better. This year I’ve been the healthiest in my entire life! By dedicating myself to exercising, eating right and even making bad decisions (like dessert) healthier than normal, I’ve successfully managed to not need one sick visit this year. By remembering the importance of exercise, I also managed to maintain a small four pack and build quads while breastfeeding a baby; all feats I thought were impossible for me to achieve. I’ve also been more focused on home remedies to avoid putting medicines in my body that may cause future illnesses. I stopped giving my son antibiotics he was prescribed every time he had a chronic ear infection, and he hasn’t had one ever since. Immunity is the key to a long life and I’m still learning and working towards a better diet, better body and better soul for myself and my family but the stones are in place and we just have to keep walking the path to good health.
4. I may not have learned this lesson in time this year but a mistake I will not make in 2015 is be fiscally irresponsible. Your financial reputation precedes you and in many ways it held me back, and I’m not good with limitations anymore. Despite not being paid exceptionally well, not ashamed to say PhD students take home a stipend of less than $20K a year with unpaid summers), I could’ve still accomplished more by budgeting better and prioritizing. I’m going to learn to live within my means while making my dreams possible. This means an emphasis on saving (keep your piggy banks for vacations, cars, house, new puppy, expensive dinner or new baby) and planning. By being responsible for your credit and your money you can learn to live freely without bad debts or a bad financial reputation holding you back. Too many people brag about money they don’t have, and not enough people are honest about their circumstances and how they manage it. I’m taking this one to heart in 2015.
5. Motherhood. When Mehky was born in 2013 we spent three months together before that year ended. Being a single mom alone during the holidays was rough but so damn worth it. My bond with my son is like no other. And though those days are distant memories (& he’s since become a walking-talking-thriving human creature) I still cherish how we created this relationship to be the way it is today. Every parent has different relationships with their children. But sometimes, as a mon, I still can’t believe I made a human being. This fuels how vital it is for his survival to teach him how to be successful, caring, sociable, loving, aware, smart and all the above. I never thought I would love motherhood as much as I do. But because it has become the major facet of my identity (I only exist as a mother because of him) it was only natural that I embrace this role for two. Adding to my family is important and learning how to balance life, love, career and family has been the fun part of this year. Sometimes I trip and fall but I always get up and spread my wings. Dreams only work if you do… And the freedom of flying is much more exhilarating than the fear of falling.
Happy New Year!